was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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