I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
