if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
