I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
