I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
