she smelled like a LAN party
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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