omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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