We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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