I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
