I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
