Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
