it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
