We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize