Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I didn't notice because vodka
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
