Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
