I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
