Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
