That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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