i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize