I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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