Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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