sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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