I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
