after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
