Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
