In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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