we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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