dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
