I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize