smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
