Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
