if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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