i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
