toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
