hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
