Cold hands, warm shart.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
