Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
