I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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