you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
