Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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