I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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