Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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