Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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