Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize