If you die in college, do you die in real life?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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