Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
