I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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