remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
