Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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