So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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