You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
