So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just crazy horny about you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize