i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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