tell your sister to shave her snatch
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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