Pants 0. Shit 1.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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