I'm gonna have a badass scar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
