What a fucking waste of an outfit
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
