After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
