You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
