How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
