I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In America we eat man semen.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
where are my eyebrows?
send nudes
from the living room?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
