So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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