Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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