I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
