I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
