is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were trust falling into bushes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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