There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
