i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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