So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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