who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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