so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
