So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
