I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
