I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
