I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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